Name and Nature (Sep 2016)
(1511 words / 5 mins)
The boot of the little red mini metro was packed up to the roof and the two sisters had set off with a road atlas and the University map of Bristol. Terry and Sofia had driven around the same one way system half a dozen times. The map was useless, Manor Hall was shown as a small grey block by the side of a road. A road that they had driven along so many times and yet not caught a single sight of the whereabouts of their destination, they had been in the car all day having left their home on the North East coast in the morning.
Sofia wasn’t a stranger to packing up and going away from home. She had been at boarding school since she was 10 years old. The list of required items had been strict and typed on one side of a sheet of paper when she first went away. All her belongings had to fit into the old brown trunk that had once belonged to the girl’s Grandfather. It had smelled musty and her uniform, home clothes and bedding had always arrived at school with their familiar smell of home washing overlaid by a mouldy aroma. Sofia used to feel dread taking over her whole body for the final week of the holidays. Her chest would ache and her stomach tighten. Homesickness was bad enough when she was away at school but the fear of going back would start to build in the penultimate weeks.
The weeks since Sofia had received her A-level results had been surreal. She had selected a University far away from home, knowing that she would never want to leave the North East permanently, it made sense to go and try a different part of the country for a short time. She’d figured it would put a different perspective on her life. She hadn’t anticipated feeling the same homesickness as she had all through her school years. The excitement of applying for Halls of Residence and getting new things had dampened any doubts. Now she wondered why on earth she had committed to being so far away from Terry. They had enjoyed going shopping together to buy for Uni. A few bits of kitchenware, stationary, a hairdryer but the bedding that Sofia had packed were her old favourites from childhood, not adorned with any childish characters, they were a subtle blue and grey print that her Mother had bought for her first full sized bed. Familiar, cosy and calming. Her childhood teddy bear and hot water bottle were also in there as familiar comforts. Sofia had packed frugally, she didn’t know what her room would be like and didn’t want to discover she had brought too much. At school they had such a small amount of personal space that Sofia packed the minimum as a force of habit now. She felt unease at the prospect of having too many belongings to be able to pack up and travel home lightly and easily. A panic at the thought of losing track of her own things, everything she owned felt precious.
So here they were now, Terry was driving, Sofia reading the maps. They hadn’t chatted very much on the 300 mile car journey. Both sisters lost in their own thoughts. Usually the car was the place they talked the most. Terry would pick Sofia up from school, hand her a Dime bar and can of Diet Coke and they’d chat easily. Safe to say what they were really feeling when one of them had eyes straight ahead on the road. There was always half a term worth of school gossip and family news to exchange. The journey back to school was always the opposite, Sofia’s stomach in knots so she couldn’t eat and tears flowing out down her face as if she could create a tide that would bear them back home. As they drove around Clifton, Sofia could feel her nerves steadily mounting. Terry was staying calm and encouraging as always. “It’s got to be near by, we are in exactly the right area.” On what must have been the fifth journey around the one way system and up the hill, Terry pulled over and they asked a passer by for help. It turned out that there was a narrow road running parallel to the one they had been driving along and they had kept driving past the turn off. Easy to miss. They set off again, Terry triumphant that they would find the place this time and Sofia despondent and feeling a creeping dread that they were actually now only 5 minutes away. Terry increased her chatter and Sofia gazed out of the window and tried to shrink back into her seat, wishing the little metro upholstery would absorb her and keep her safe in soft familiarity forever.
The Hall was a beautiful old building. Five stories of stunning English stone architecture. It was set back off the road but below the ground level so as they approached Sofia looked down through the railings and saw parents, students lugging stereos, rucksacks and sports equipment. The mini metro was dwarfed by the family saloons parked in the entrance car park.
“Let’s go in and find out where we need to go before we unpack anything.” suggested Terry.
Sofia had to be ready now, she had to do this. Maybe there was a tiny flicker of excitement in her chest, trying to grow and shine more brightly. Terry and Sofia walked up to the grand entrance together, so many people, all looking so confident and settled. As they entered the hall, a young guy in a Welsh rugby shirt came towards them,
“Hi, I’m Ben, I’m on the Common Room Committee. Are you a first year? Let me help you find out where you’re meant to be.”
Sofia relaxed a little bit more. They followed Ben to the main desk, gave him her name and waited whilst he located her room. Sofia was on the ground floor, ‘2’ corridor, Room 29. They followed Ben whilst he chatted away about the Hall and events that would be taking place that evening and during the coming week, most of which seemed to revolve around the bar which he helpfully pointed out the direction to as they passed a staircase down to a basement. Ben rounded a bend in the corridor and stopped outside a large wooden door. “Here we are, it looks like you’re in one of the few shared rooms, and it looks like your roommate has already settled herself in. There’s a meeting at 6.30pm in the main hall near the entrance, for all first years, with the Warden. I’ll look out for you there” he smiled, and left, to guide the next arrivals to their new pads.
Sofia was used to sharing a room but hadn’t expected to have to at University, it hadn’t occurred to her that she might. Terry was positive immediately
“Well, at least you’ll get to know someone straight away and can help each other out, and Ben is lovely! Proper Welsh rugby stock I reckon. I’m sure he’ll look out for you” she added with a glint in her eye.
They had a look around the room, it wasn’t cosy; high ceiling, solid wood floor, enormous desks, cupboard and sets of drawers. A door on the far side of the room opened to reveal a huge porcelain sink where Sofia’s roommate had already filled the shelf with her toiletries. In fact, Sofia’s roommate had already filled a lot of the room with her belongings.
“She’s called Gladys” said Terry “And she’s from a big family!” she added, gesturing to a photo next to her bed. Sofia had a look at the photo, there were 3 girls in a smart school uniform and one boy who must be an older brother, they were flagged by what Sofia assumed were the parents. They looked happy, confident, Sofia felt a pang of inadequacy, what was she doing here? Gladys looked popular, clever, sporty, they probably all sailed and skied and had a cottage in Cornwall. Whilst she did want to meet her new roommate and start making friends, looking at the settled nature of Glady’s bits and pieces made her less sure. Sofia felt unsure about unpacking her own stuff, there wasn’t much space left, she felt unease at her things getting mixed up with somebody else’s and put under the same scrutiny that she was putting this girl’s belongings under. Terry moved over to the door “Come on Sweety, let’s get your things.”
Sofia didn’t want to get her things, she wanted to go and get back into the car and drive back home. She knew that wasn’t the way it was going to work, she was about to make loads of new friends; Gladys, Ben and many more on her course, in her hall and at hockey club if she was lucky, and she would speak to Terry on the payphone every night.
