Start of blog / notes: I Do Not Drink. End of Blog.
Additional notes / thoughts:
If it can be this simple then why don’t I try to keep it this simple. ‘I do not drink’.
Why let the question of having a drink take up all that head space again? A beautiful space in my head was created from letting go of all the thoughts surrounding alcohol and should I or shouldn’t I? What will I drink and how much? How will I feel? Who else will be drinking? It was a veritable ‘Who? What? Why? When?’ every time I found an excuse to drink. Giving up the alcohol, I gave up these thoughts. I was so grateful for the extra space I’d created in my mind.
When it was a question of whether or not to drink I never gave it a fair trial because my brain was wired to categorically say ‘yes’ having a drink is the right thing to do or ‘yes’ alcohol is the answer, definitely.
When I was secretly sipping from a bottle for no occasion and on my own I justified it because I felt bad and it would either make me feel better or make me feel less.
I can now see that alcohol wasn’t the answer and it wasn’t making me feel better or feel less. It was making me feel worse. It was adding to the chaos in my head and making the guilt even greater.
Those two little voices that talk to me…..one is good, the other is bad and the bad one lies. The bad one says alcohol is good for me and it will help me, it’s harmless, everyone does it. I’m not out of control. I’m not an alcoholic. I don’t have a problem. I’ll know when to stop. I have choices. It’s louder than the well behaved voice who has less words. The good voice just simply says ‘Don’t do it.’ It doesn’t need to be explained, just ‘Don’t do it.’
So why is it not working to simply say ‘I do not drink’ and that’s the end of it? Or why am I making it so hard? I’d really like it to be that simple. I think it’s a simple reason that creates complications in our minds. The simple reason is that alcohol is addictive and our brains have been hardwired to go to it as a solution. Once I have trained my brain to use other routes it will be easier to not even give it thinking space. One of my best friends has never drank alcohol. Her brain does not associate alcohol with anything. There are no associations that auto play out to her to tell her in good times or in bad times to reach for a bottle of anything other than a sparkling elder flower or a Schloer. In fact there are few situations where she doesn’t just go for tea. It really never occurs to her to drink.
I will get there. Everyone says it gets easier. I have so nearly slipped up so many times in the last couple of weeks. I can’t tell you how close I’ve got. It’s my own fault for giving the thoughts room to roam free in my head at all. I need to find a way to dismiss the thoughts more easily, more comfortably. Perhaps setting an intention like we do in yoga and repeating it to myself when the thoughts and urges come. A simple and effective intention would be…..”I AM ALCOHOL FREE”. I DO NOT DRINK.
