Becoming More Sober Curious (Feb 2020)
I’m now 10 weeks in, 70 days of being sober and sustained abstinence and I’m still 100% happy with my decision to cut out the booze. I still feel like I’m harbouring a superpower, and each week this power is getting stronger.
I feel really, really strong, not just because of my secret super power but because I made a decision to change something that was a big, troubling part of my life and I’ve found ways to stick to it. I’ve had to find an inner strength that I didn’t know I had. I’d read that it takes about 3 days for your body to rid itself of alcohol after a night on the beers, to get the addiction out of your system from that one session but it takes up to 2 years for your body to cleanse. The weird thing is that I can actually feel my body cleansing both physically and mentally. I’ve moved to decaf tea, gone off the taste of coffee and I’m drinking loads more water. Mentally it just feels like there’s more space in my head but instead of filling this space with anxieties, I’m trying to fill it with things I enjoy. I’m reading loads, writing, thinking, clearing the house, planning and I’ve even joined a choir for the first time!
I have to admit, when I first started out on this journey I wasn’t confident. It wasn’t until I started reading about other women’s journeys into sobriety and I ordered my own thoughts that I started to feel I might be able to do this. I’d been using the Drinkaware App for a couple of years and found that useful as a tracking tool. It told me the obvious of course; that I drank too much in the holidays and over Christmas but if I filled it in correctly every day (which I did), it also meant that I couldn’t kid myself or anyone else. When I was in the hospital after a mental health crisis they inevitably asked me ‘How much do you drink?’. At that time I was unable to give any real thought to their question but I proudly pulled out my App and impressed them with my scrupulous records on that instead! No surprises, my drinking had gone up as my mental health had deteriorated. The problem was, that to me it wasn’t that alcohol was a contributing factor. To me, the alcohol had increased because I was using it to self soothe or in reality, self harm.
Now I use another App called ‘I Am Sober’ which offers support, a community, a daily pledge, and logs your milestones if you’re into that kind of thing. I tried to delete the Drinkaware App when I didn’t need to log my units anymore but I missed it, I missed my proud moment in the mornings when I’d make the daily click on ‘Drink Free Day’ so I reinstalled and we’re back in our usual routine!
I’ve now been through almost all the scenarios when I would normally have either drank, or wrestled with my ability to not drink, or at the very least had a week long argument raging in my head about whether or not I will have a drink (no wonder I have more thinking space!). I’ve been to a party, to a family meal, drinks out with another couple, dinner out with girls, dinner out with a couple, dinner out with friends, theatre, cinema, Book Club, New Year’s Eve, Christmas Day and of course those quiet nights in on my own….I haven’t been on holiday, out with my OH or on a works do nor to any weddings or such. Of course, some of these scenarios were harder to resist drinking at than others, but, for certain, I’ve never ever woken up the next morning and regretted not drinking the night before.
Sometimes I’ve been tempted to have a drink, mostly at home. I’ve had to tell my OH to hide the open bottle of wine so I don’t accidentally pour myself a glass, I’ve resisted having ‘just a sip’ of his beer and I’ve kept my wits about me at parties so I don’t succumb to someone wandering around topping up the glasses.
I’ve been asked:
– why I’m not drinking?
– if this is it forever?
– have I had any social pressure to have a drink?
– do I miss drinking?
and I’ve answered as honestly as I’ve written in these blogs. I don’t miss it, not yet. I have proved to myself that I feel better overall, I can still cope socially and I’m way stronger than I ever imagined I’d be. Sometimes though, I do think “I fancy a glass of red wine” but I’ve learnt that this is just a thought, and it passes. In a couple of minutes I don’t fancy it anymore and I’ve got through another day, then another week. This is a really useful strategy for good mental health anyway. Observe the thought, let it pass, it doesn’t define you. So I can think about having a drink, but let that thought pass through without any affect. I try not to think about a future without drinking because it isn’t the here and now. Whilst I’m sitting here typing this, it doesn’t matter whether I ever drink again.
Three things that I’ve discovered when we’re out and everyone else is drinking:
- The night goes much slower when you’re not imbibed…this can be a good thing or a bad thing.
- Fancy non alcoholic alternatives aren’t necessary. Sparkling water or water will do.
- I don’t care about social pressure, I am me. I have found a super power.
Finally, on recent visits to the Doctors, to the dentist, to the asthma clinic, when they ask “How much do you drink?” I feel really proud saying that I don’t drink at all now. I was always treated really well by medical professionals but now I feel that I can justify going to them for help when I’m doing that bit more to help myself, especially mentally. In fact, I had an hilarious chat with my Doctor when she confided that she didn’t think she could give up wine completely and I replied that I wasn’t going to try and persuade her too, I hadn’t become all preachy about it, I can lose the booze but I’m not ready to lose my friends!
